Girlpower anthems rewritten for accuracy

Happy International Women's Day!

Hi friends!

Tomorrow is International Women’s Day! Even though Apple erased International Women’s History month from their calendars, we are celebrating with some female empowerment anthems, rewritten for accuracy!

Also, shoutout to my paid subscribers! Your monthly contribution sustains this independent, oligarch-free newsletter and community, and I couldn’t do it without you.

Gracias, gunalchéesh, thank you.

Summer

Girl Power Anthems Rewritten for Accuracy

“Material Girl” (Madonna)

’Cause we are living in a material world

And I am a material girl

You know that we are living in a material world

Where girls are twice as likely to retire poor.

“Bossy” (Kelis)

I’m bossy

I go to work like all of the men

But only earn 62 percent

That’s right, I’m in the Fortune 500

And that’s right, I’m one of 5 percent

I’m bossy

“Just A Girl” (No Doubt)

’Cause I’m just a girl, oh little old me

Well, get used to paying the pink tax

Razors, shampoo, mostly everything

Costs me extra 7 percent

Oh, I’ve had it up to here!

“Run the World (Girls)” (Beyoncé)

Girls, we run this mutha (yeah)

20 percent of this mutha (yeah)

Who 20 percent of top bosses? Girls (girls)

Who 7 percent of world leaders? Girls (girls)

Who 11 percent of top earners? Girls (girls)

Who run the world? Boys (boys)

“Independent Women” (Destiny’s Child)

All the women who are independent,

Throw your hands up at me

All the honeys lost their job ’cause COVID

Throw your hands up at me

All the mommas who left the workforce

Throw your hands up at me

Ladies in motherhood penalty

Throw your hands up at me

“Cherry Bomb” (The Runaways)

Hello, daddy, hello, mom

I’m your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb

Hello, world, I’m your wild girl

I brought Plan B ’cause that’s on me

“Stronger” (Kelly Clarkson)

He could kill you ’cause he’s stronger

Stands a little taller

Don’t pick a fight about his socks on the floor

What doesn’t kill you makes a fighter

But keep the fight inside, yeah

Don’t wanna unleash his inner dinosaur

“Girl On Fire” (Alicia Keys)

She’s just a girl and she’s on fire

Hotter than a funeral pyre, burning at the stake

She’s living in the 17th century and she’s literally on fire

But she’s not a witch, no she can’t fly away

Oh, oh oh oh oh

She’s got both feet on the ground

And she’s literally burning down

She got a big crowd

All watching her burn down

Photo by Diego on Unsplash