“He who denies death, denies life”

On our fear of dying

The third time I wound up in the emergency room struggling to breathe, I started to think about my obituary.

I guess I am afraid, I admitted.

29% of Americans are also afraid of death, according to a survey by Chapman University. An article in Psychology Today described death as the US's "leading source of uneasiness, discomfort, and apprehension."

This week we grieve many deaths. Adding to the feels was that the U.S. election occurred when the veil between living and death was the thinnest, when many cultures observe this, including Samhain and Day of the Dead.

Last week I asked my Spanish students to describe this vibe:

“It’s giving scary,” they replied.

Then, in this picture:

“It’s funny,” they said. “Colorful.” “Un-scary.”

I showed them this Día de Muertos parade from the opening scene of James Bond’s Spectre, which was set in Mexico City. (I stop the film right before the violent part.)

Then, I showed them the real-life version of the annual Día de Muertos parade in Mexico City.

There’s almost no color in the Hollywood version. People seem more somber, and the vibe is scarier. In the real-life version, there is ample color, joy, and laughter.

Also, the Hollywood version applies a yellow filter, typical of American movies set in Mexico. In the comments—mostly in Spanish—viewers expressed frustration that Hollywood often does this for movies set in Mexico. To make it seem… grittier?

A student read aloud this quote from Mexican poet Octavio Paz:

To the people of New York, London, and Paris, 'death' is a word that is never pronounced because it burns the lips. The Mexican, however, frequents it, jokes about it, caresses it, sleeps with it, and celebrates it. It is one of his favorite toys and most steadfast love.

When COVID-19, a respiratory disease, started killing millions, I accepted that I, too, could die.

So my kids and I made skeleton puppets, sugar skulls, and altars. When we returned to school, I asked my students to think of a loved one who has died and draw an altar for them. We sat in a circle and talked about which artifacts we would place on an altar to conjure our loved ones for a night of fiesta.

Octavio Paz said, “He who denies death, denies life.” To the Mexican, death is a part of life as day is to night. Not a loss, but another step.

“Are you afraid of death?” my students asked me last week.

“I’m not ready to die,” I replied. “But I’m no longer afraid of it like I was.”

For me, death no longer feels like a scary unknown. Instead, it is adorned with flowers, colors, photos of loved ones, and laughter.

If there’s an election reflection here, it’s to accept these deaths as invitations to a new journey. To come together with loved ones and adorn our grief in flowers and love and maybe even laughter.

Yes, we have to resist, dissent. Arting. Loving. Celebrating each other. Supporting one other.

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much love,

Summer