The acceptance/rejection paradox
Do you really want that "yes"?
Let’s say your daughter just eloped from school and you hate weekends because WW3 is waged in your living room on the daily. You’ve learned to process your shit and escape life by creating art. Could you imagine getting paid to create? Dayum!
So, you apply for grants. But many other people also live hard lives and desire to get paid to create. You get all nos. You keep trying.
Two years later, you get a Yes! Who can you tell? Who will celebrate with you? Will that make you a braggart? Will your friends disown you and list your name in Urban Dictionary under hothead?
You must celebrate! But it’s a Monday. But you have to make dinner. But you have to pick up your kids. You can tell your mom! She has a porch! It's sunny out!
You drive to your mom's. You imagine tossing back a Lacroix mixed with lemonade and frozen berries. Sun on your face. Clinking glasses. Ten minutes, tops. You will still get home in time to make dinner.
You arrive at your mom’s. All the deck chairs have been hauled up a two-story ladder into a haunted storage unit full of vampire mice. Then you find out that your dear brother-in-law's mother is dying.
This is the Acceptance/Rejection Paradox. No matter the win, the universe will find a way to balance. This is why I don’t worry about getting even. The universe always takes care of it.
Rejection is protection. Acceptance is anxiety, as is my case, because now I have to put together an event with someone else's money.
In her 9-part series on Rejection, Elissa Bassist recently wrote an amazing post that echoes this paradoxical truth. Titled “Reduce,” it conjures images of lovely balsamic reduction with a solid dose of advice: reduce expectations.
By all means, apply for that grant! Pitch that article! Submit that essay! Email that agent! And… reduce your expectations.
Assume you won’t get the award. Assume your work will be rejected. Assume the worst. After all, the road to disappointment comes from unmet expectations. So stop expecting.
This strategy works well, trust me, and I’m okay applying for everything and amassing 45,287,219 pages of rejection. My mom says I’m negative, but what she perceives as negativity keeps me sane, grounded, and happy! Much like this cute little stock photo of a dog.
The lower you set your expectations, the more likely it will be no big deal when you are rejected. And when you do get it, hallelujah! you can celebrate alone on a Monday on a deck with no furniture.
P.S. I applied for this grant last year but didn't get it. Then, this year, I applied for the same award for twice the amount of money and got it! You never know how close you were the last time you applied. Youneverknowhowcloseyouwere when you were rejected.
Keep applying! And keep assuming you won’t get it! Keep shooting for the stars! Just expect to miss! One day, you might get it, and your daughter will run away from school, and the universe will all balance itself out.
Paradoxically Yours,
Summer
My dogs want to know what I am laughing about and why they can't go outside in the mud and rain. I told them to lower their expectations. They are not buying it as of now.
Thanks for being here Summer
Reminds me of the "Lowered Expectations" video-dating sketches from MADtv back in the 90s... (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRGVAv4rcB8)