Men, bears, and men who wish they were bears

Would you rather encounter a bear or Harrison Butker in the woods?

First, there was the whole viral man v. bear thing, where women were asked who they’d rather run into in the woods: a man or a bear. Most women answered bear. And when they asked men who they would prefer their daughter run into, most men also answered bear.

Then, we have a story that could be summarized as “man who kicks a ball for $5 million a year gives commencement speech telling women who forked over thousands of dollars for an education to go make babies and serve men by staying home.”

Because we all know that “women trap men,” and men sacrifice so much by marrying them. (Fact check: married men are twice as happy as unmarried men, while unmarried, childless women are the happiest of all demographics.)

When you really think about it, men and bears have a lot in common. They’re smart, cuddly, cute, hairy, strong, and can also become violent. Which begs the question: are men actually bears?

I kid you not, five minutes before I snapped this, this bear was a deer. Maybe all bears are really shapeshifters.

As someone married to an Alaskan who refuses to trim his beard until after hockey season, I can 100% guarantee that men want to look like bears.

Reader, I wasn’t even going to write about this. I had a post ready in response to the J. K. Rowling v. transgender women beef, but that will have to wait for next week. (See, this is why I can’t have an editorial calendar *throws fists down onto table like a toddler having a tantrum*)

Okay, let’s start with the man vs. bear thing. As an Alaskan who has had friends and family attacked by both and who also has a vagina, I feel like I am qualified to speak here.

First off, the question didn’t specify black bear or brown. Makes a big difference. My husband’s uncle was mauled by a brown bear, but that’s because he was packing a dripping moose carcass on his shoulders through Admiralty Island, the most bear-dense island in the world. Black bears, on the other hand, I’ve encountered plenty. They generally want nothing to do with me. I’ve even seen one stand up on its haunches and hide from me behind a tree like a human! Best not to get between a mama bear and her cubs, though.

Then there’s the whole question of how often bears assault people versus men, adjusted for the population of bears. This guy did the math!

missrepresentation

A post shared by @missrepresentation

A woman was killed by a guy recently on one of my favorite trails. On another favorite trail, my friend helped apprehend two men who had just attacked and sexually assaulted a woman running alone. Suffice it to say, since my friend told me that story, I haven’t gone for a run or a hike in the woods or mountains by myself.

So my answer is I would obviously rather encounter a black bear than a man. And if I’m packing a dead animal carcass on my shoulders, I’d rather encounter a man than a brown bear.

Now, about the guy who kicks balls for a living, telling women to give up degrees and go make babies. There have been so many good responses to this I’m just going to direct you to these excellent posts from

Liz

,

Liz Plank

,

lyz

, and

Parker Molloy

(links below).

Also, I want to touch on the responses to my Mother’s Day post Moms don’t want sainthood, we want compensation. Most comments I received were supportive and in agreement. Others tended to circle around the same argument: “No one forced you to have kids.”

First, you wonder why someone would take the time and energy to argue on someone’s post. It’s like being invited to someone’s house for dinner, getting fed a meal, and then arguing with them about their beliefs. Also, who has the time and energy for that? Do they need attention that badly? You can deduce quite a bit about people from their comments. So if comments are insulting, angry, or challenging, my first thought is always What does this tell me about you?

I began writing a long response to “no one forced you to have kids” about how I originally wanted to be the primary breadwinner with a stay-at-home husband, but after getting my Master's degree and career, I remarried and inadvertently became a mother, homemaker, and part-time teacher—oh, and a writer! I was going to pontificate on how Republicans are making it harder for women to choose whether or not they become parents and how all parents should be able to have kids and survive within this system without going broke. 

But then I realized I just don’t actually want to talk about that, and frankly, it’s no one‘s business whether or not my kids were actually planned or not, and it’s no one‘s business whether or not I had access to birth control, and it’s no one‘s business whether or not I had the option to have an abortion, and it’s no one‘s business or not whether I have ever decided to terminate a pregnancy.

Furthermore, it’s really unhelpful when you have a bear man who represents the worst of this culture, telling women that the most fulfilling thing for them in life is to become mothers and homemakers. In what world would that even be possible? Oh, right, one where you have a $20 million contract to get all the help you need. Or perhaps you live in a country like South Africa or Argentina, where it’s common for middle-class families to have help because domestic labor is cheap thanks to colonialism. 

But for everyone else who does not have a $20 million husband or who lives in the Land of Milk and Honey where organic milk is currently $6.49 a gallon (because you must drink the organic stuff, seeing as how everyone is getting cancer and Parkinson’s these days), being a mother and a homemaker as your sole position is very, very, very difficult, if not completely impossible. And yet we are told time and time again that we should have kids because that is what will fulfill us. 

This is why I really appreciated this excellent post by

Cindy DiTiberio

about the Math of Motherhood and what moms really sacrifice when they become mothers.

The Math of Motherhood: The Motherhood Penalty

Of course, we want to have kids. That’s the model we’ve always had. That’s the narrative we’ve always been read. What other archetypes do we have? The Mother Mary, Mother Theresa, the princess who must find a prince and create a family to find fulfillment, and, if you live in Alaska, the salmon who spawns then dies.

“Spawn till you die,” by Ray Troll

All this is to say, I will continue to invite everyone over and feed them the love, passion, energy, and time I pour into these essays. I will continue to keep comments open for now because I like to hear from everyone, not just paid subscribers. I love to see how you all connect with each other, it’s a beautiful thing. But if it gets to the point where I am just exhausted from having to defend my position and deflect other’s negativity, I will end up closing the comments to paid subscribers only.

Okay, that’s all I got for today. Make sure to check out my favorite round-ups from this week below!

P.S. If you’ve been reading and enjoying my work for a while, or something about it stopped you and made you go hmmm, or resonated with you or moved you, and you haven’t signed up to be a paid subscriber because you’re like I’m not gonna do something just because someone told me to, then hey, I respect that. However, writing and researching these posts takes time, so please consider financially supporting my work. I am so grateful to those of you who have upgraded to paid. I couldn’t do what I do without your financial support.

Thank you, and I love you the most!

Summer

More favorite round-ups from this week:

Harrison Butker: Project 2025's mascot.

5 Smart Takes on Chiefs Kicker Harrison Butker's Anti-Woman, Anti-LGBTQ Commencement Address

Dingus of the Week: DOUBLE HEADER TIME

NFL player tells women to go back to the kitchen