"But then I realized I just don’t actually want to, and frankly, it’s no one‘s business whether or not my kids were actually planned or not, and it’s no one‘s business whether or not I had access to birth control, and it’s no one‘s business whether or not I had the option to have an abortion, and it’s no one‘s business or not whether I have ever decided to terminate a pregnancy."
Yes to all of this. Unless you have a uterus, stop telling me what to do with mine. I was saying this in college in the 90s. Why TF do I still have to?! We are sick of this shit! It's 2024, can we please stop acting like it's 1950? Please?!
It's straight-up disturbed. Women have again been reduced to second-class citizens. When I lived in Argentina in the 1990s, I couldn't believe that abortion was illegal there. Now it's legal in Argentina and illegal in many states here. Thank you for your comment <3
It was illegal when I lived in the Republic of Ireland in 1990 too AND I couldn't get birth control from the hospital I gave birth in because it was run by the church. Also, there was no divorce! I never thought we'd see that here in the U.S., yet here we are.
I truely believe women (especially young bright Gen Zr’s) are our hope of saving this country from some sort of sad post male domination paradigm degenerative period. It’s kind of the ‘ratchet’ effect whereby we are close to clicking a cog towards reconciling and unification of all people, yet there is the old power structure pulling hard against evolution trying to get the ratchet to slip back to it’s prior tooth. I believe humans have the resillance to endure a slip back BUT the planet cannot!!
I am encouraged by the rising force of the female archetype. I sense it in young women at college graduations. I sense it in conversations here online as well as around my community. Men have to realize that supporting women as well as the movement of equality is NOT losing anything!! It’s a win for everyone and most likely our only hope of survival.
Exactly! I wonder, I should research who is happier, men with stay at home wives or working wives. I think most men prolly want working wives cuz its just too darn expensive to not have both parents working. Then nobodys happy.
I’ve noticed the people I get hate comments from are always men. Always right wing men that have a lot of time on their hands because they don’t go away until I ban them from my page. I'm usually against blocking, but If someone is getting abusive in MY realm, they can fuck off. Also, banning them means they are blocked and all comments are removed.
First there isn’t one woman who wouldn’t be glad for any woman who wants to and has the income to raise her children at home, care for them and her husband as her first priority. It is NOT easy. It’s WORK too. I tried it myself briefly after baby #2 - trust me they were as happy as I was when I went back to work. They tell me so 40+ years later.
But to imply demonic forces are persuading young women that a career or vocation is not as legitimate a path? Weak, pal. Scary weak.
As a man who has LOVED Nancy for 53-years because she has intellectual depth and compassion and because we can have HILARIOUS times together, and even moved to a part of the country that SHE (not I) wanted, I am in the camp of those who say, Men are happy when a woman in his life feels as free as a bird; has her friends; and fulfills her dreams; and she is a happy woman.
To protect identities I will be a little vague here:
Among my many friends and many loved ones, I have learned from a certain 21-year-old young man that he has obsessed over sites created by sick "incels." After he inflicted a couple on me, I tried to reason with him.. The sites were revolting.
Real problems are: (1) Media has given outsize influence to revolting, evil-minded persons; (2) The billionaires who run these revolting sites have created algorithms to encourage click-bait to more such hatred; and (3) These billionaires and influencers derive perverse rewards from the spreading of their garbage.
I am really sick about what these sickos are doing to our society.
I grew up with a Mom and Sister I love; I dearly love my Wife, Daughter and Granddaughter. Women are EVERYTHING in my life.
And my wife and daughters chew me out a lot. They mostly are right.
Yes, I agree with you 100% on the algorithms. They are informing the majority of the population with their news. Also, it doesn't help that the mainstream news focuses on clickbait, anger-inducing news like H. Butker's speech, which is why I didn't want to write about this, ha. Oops? But on the other side, I think the backlash can also be affirming and empowering to women. I mean, what we aren't defines us as much of what we are. Also, you sound like the perfect husband! lol
I’ve been in and out of commission this week, so all of this is news to me. I wish I could say I was shocked at more of that behavior. I’m just sad and angry and disappointed and angry some more and cheering for people like you who say the right things.
I wish i could paste a screenshot of the responses ppl posted on the Chiefs social media feed. From men and women things like “i wanted to show this to my wife but she cant read” & “i wanted to watch the game but im divorced and my life has ended.” Its comforting that some ppl still have their senses & humor 🔥 🔥 🔥
DO NOT ASK my mother over to your house. She will try to wiggle her way to stay there, even if you're on your way out. "We'll just be a minute." This stretches into many hours and you can't get her to leave. I always thought I should do a kid's book about it.
Somebody upgrade on my behalf. I am baroque as fog.
This was such a fantastic post. It was hilarious for me because every beat was something me and my wife had ended up talking about in the last month that this whole thing has been happening in. I always picked bear but hearing all the arguments and the wild takes online has been insane, concerning, and hilarious. Mostly hilarious but also amazingly telling about how much fucking working it's gonna take to normalize just- anything better.
I grew up thinking we were in the future because of tech and the internet and the variety of people I met as a military brat. It's been eye opening since around 2014 to hear about the reality of where we are. My wife and kids have been crucial in that understanding.
I'm a college dropout and not a grad. But I did end up becoming a stay at home and it's incredible what kind of load that is. I'm sure I still have it easier in some ways because I'm a guy but holy hell the amount of wild things that pop up out of nowhere while maintaining a home. The kind of attention needed for everything. Then the stigma of motherhood and it's wildly idiosyncratic reasons and philosophies that uphold it as a damning honor. Seeing that in my mothers life while she was raising us, seeing it in my daughters life while I'm raising her, and my wifes life while we're at a doctors office or asking questions from staff at school it's all just so infuriating. Then I have my own biases that are hardwired into me. Don't get me started on that.
Super good post again. Really had a flow and rhythm to it that found a noteworthy conclusion.
I applaud you for staying at home with the kids because that is HARD! And the reversal of trad gender roles is a thing to contend with as well. Thank you so much for your sweet comments!
So this is the first essay of yours I’ve read and so happy to have found you.
We live in a stupid stupid era. Was I dreaming it was over? i was raised in one. Thought we’d left in behind. Nope. Glad I’ve raised a fierce daughter raising a fierce daughter.
Me too! We need those fierce girls and women! It's so interesting how, with each step forward, we seem to take one back. It's a bit of a conundrum. And thank you for finding me! Welcome!
I thought the guy was such a doofus, that I didn’t even want to comment. Now, tho’, if I can think of something to say (besides that the little man who is a doofus gets to be vastly overpaid for the _important work_ of kicking a ball while other, bigger, tougher men keep him from being knocked down), I suppose I should put my oar in the water.
I don’t mean to differ from the point of your wonderful essay that I 110% felt in my soul, but I thought it a little funny that most of the recommendations were from women named Liz. Are Liz’s just crushing it at a higher rate? 😂
Also, “no one told you to have kids.” How rude and ignorant and way to show that they completely missed the point. So happy you don’t let the haters get you down and you keep writing. 🥰
I am so happy to be a paid subscriber of this newsletter. You, Summer, have a powerful way of speaking your mind. I aspire to that political voice. Anyway, I wanted to say I loved the picture of the bear and that you commented that the bear had been a deer when you went to snap the picture and that all bears must be shapeshifters. This fantasy or reality appeals to me and resonates. Maybe we are all like bears with an unused capacity to shape shift. I feel I am awakening to this possibility in a metaphorical and sometimes real sense. Again, I value your nuanced approach to men and masculinity. I Love the comments here and the people that write them too. It's proof of goodness in all genders. Have a great day.
Awesome Heather! I was going to private message you to say thanks for becoming a paid subscriber but I’ll just tell u here! And u can always DM too. I really appreciate the support! And i also love the idea of shapeshifting, its a big theme in many Native Alaskan myths. I think it can apply to all of us! 💕
most bears on lama mtn new mexico are fairly docile (black bears)… generally because of territorial issues there is only one at a time… we chase them away when one comes too near and we fence off our compost with an electric fence. spring and fall are the times to be wary because the bear(s) are craving anything that will pass as food.
oh, and they love fruit trees with ripe fruit… one year we daily put off fruit harvest on a very large peach tree… each day we said oh one more day… we came down one morning and the said tree was bare with no evidence left… 🤣😎😆
I’m loving this Summer! Thank you. My partner is a bear, in the best way, with the brain of a much more intelligent animal. Built like a linebacker and constantly scratching his back on door frames and trees 😆 The best protector you could ask for. However I have run into the opposite “bear-men” in my life as a Chef, and woman in general, that have no concern for anyone’s safety but themselves and will maul anyone over to get ahead…or for simply a piece of sushi-grade salmon.
On the Motherhood vibe: If I’m able to make children in my body, not all women can, and I CHOOSE to, it’s no one’s business whether I do or do not. Furthermore, if I don’t want to have children and want to nurture a career and make THAT my child instead. It is also no one’s business whether I choose that path or not. We can become Mothers of many things. In my opinion 💜🍑
Written by a pregnant woman that never wanted children and is currently so in love with her fetus she could burst! 😇
"But then I realized I just don’t actually want to, and frankly, it’s no one‘s business whether or not my kids were actually planned or not, and it’s no one‘s business whether or not I had access to birth control, and it’s no one‘s business whether or not I had the option to have an abortion, and it’s no one‘s business or not whether I have ever decided to terminate a pregnancy."
Yes to all of this. Unless you have a uterus, stop telling me what to do with mine. I was saying this in college in the 90s. Why TF do I still have to?! We are sick of this shit! It's 2024, can we please stop acting like it's 1950? Please?!
It's straight-up disturbed. Women have again been reduced to second-class citizens. When I lived in Argentina in the 1990s, I couldn't believe that abortion was illegal there. Now it's legal in Argentina and illegal in many states here. Thank you for your comment <3
It was illegal when I lived in the Republic of Ireland in 1990 too AND I couldn't get birth control from the hospital I gave birth in because it was run by the church. Also, there was no divorce! I never thought we'd see that here in the U.S., yet here we are.
Oh my… 😔
Come read my stack and rage out with us. We are here . We are pissed off. We are fighting. We are supporting each other.
Maybe even if you DO have a uterus, stop telling other people what to do. “Drive your own bus, goddammit!”
I truely believe women (especially young bright Gen Zr’s) are our hope of saving this country from some sort of sad post male domination paradigm degenerative period. It’s kind of the ‘ratchet’ effect whereby we are close to clicking a cog towards reconciling and unification of all people, yet there is the old power structure pulling hard against evolution trying to get the ratchet to slip back to it’s prior tooth. I believe humans have the resillance to endure a slip back BUT the planet cannot!!
I am encouraged by the rising force of the female archetype. I sense it in young women at college graduations. I sense it in conversations here online as well as around my community. Men have to realize that supporting women as well as the movement of equality is NOT losing anything!! It’s a win for everyone and most likely our only hope of survival.
Exactly! I wonder, I should research who is happier, men with stay at home wives or working wives. I think most men prolly want working wives cuz its just too darn expensive to not have both parents working. Then nobodys happy.
Old man here. Could not agree more. Waiting to hear the click of the ratchet slipping into the NEXT tooth.
I’ve noticed the people I get hate comments from are always men. Always right wing men that have a lot of time on their hands because they don’t go away until I ban them from my page. I'm usually against blocking, but If someone is getting abusive in MY realm, they can fuck off. Also, banning them means they are blocked and all comments are removed.
And always hiding behind a fake name!
The basement is a lonely place.
Life is too short to tolerate that ugliness.
Word
First there isn’t one woman who wouldn’t be glad for any woman who wants to and has the income to raise her children at home, care for them and her husband as her first priority. It is NOT easy. It’s WORK too. I tried it myself briefly after baby #2 - trust me they were as happy as I was when I went back to work. They tell me so 40+ years later.
But to imply demonic forces are persuading young women that a career or vocation is not as legitimate a path? Weak, pal. Scary weak.
THIS!
Summer Koester: Whew.
As a man who has LOVED Nancy for 53-years because she has intellectual depth and compassion and because we can have HILARIOUS times together, and even moved to a part of the country that SHE (not I) wanted, I am in the camp of those who say, Men are happy when a woman in his life feels as free as a bird; has her friends; and fulfills her dreams; and she is a happy woman.
To protect identities I will be a little vague here:
Among my many friends and many loved ones, I have learned from a certain 21-year-old young man that he has obsessed over sites created by sick "incels." After he inflicted a couple on me, I tried to reason with him.. The sites were revolting.
Real problems are: (1) Media has given outsize influence to revolting, evil-minded persons; (2) The billionaires who run these revolting sites have created algorithms to encourage click-bait to more such hatred; and (3) These billionaires and influencers derive perverse rewards from the spreading of their garbage.
I am really sick about what these sickos are doing to our society.
I grew up with a Mom and Sister I love; I dearly love my Wife, Daughter and Granddaughter. Women are EVERYTHING in my life.
And my wife and daughters chew me out a lot. They mostly are right.
Yes, I agree with you 100% on the algorithms. They are informing the majority of the population with their news. Also, it doesn't help that the mainstream news focuses on clickbait, anger-inducing news like H. Butker's speech, which is why I didn't want to write about this, ha. Oops? But on the other side, I think the backlash can also be affirming and empowering to women. I mean, what we aren't defines us as much of what we are. Also, you sound like the perfect husband! lol
Who wouldn’t be glad to be with you with that resume? 💙
If men were bears, I honestly think my sex life would be more successful and my gay friends would stop pitying me.
LOL from a shy, friendly bear stuck in the body of a dude… little known fact… some of us bears empathize and can smile!
I love bears!
I really love black bears! Like one of my favorite animals if not favorite
😂 😂 😂
I’ve been in and out of commission this week, so all of this is news to me. I wish I could say I was shocked at more of that behavior. I’m just sad and angry and disappointed and angry some more and cheering for people like you who say the right things.
I wish i could paste a screenshot of the responses ppl posted on the Chiefs social media feed. From men and women things like “i wanted to show this to my wife but she cant read” & “i wanted to watch the game but im divorced and my life has ended.” Its comforting that some ppl still have their senses & humor 🔥 🔥 🔥
That's absolutely incredible! Will have to go check them out now!
DO NOT ASK my mother over to your house. She will try to wiggle her way to stay there, even if you're on your way out. "We'll just be a minute." This stretches into many hours and you can't get her to leave. I always thought I should do a kid's book about it.
Hahhaha this is so relatable!
Somebody upgrade on my behalf. I am baroque as fog.
This was such a fantastic post. It was hilarious for me because every beat was something me and my wife had ended up talking about in the last month that this whole thing has been happening in. I always picked bear but hearing all the arguments and the wild takes online has been insane, concerning, and hilarious. Mostly hilarious but also amazingly telling about how much fucking working it's gonna take to normalize just- anything better.
I grew up thinking we were in the future because of tech and the internet and the variety of people I met as a military brat. It's been eye opening since around 2014 to hear about the reality of where we are. My wife and kids have been crucial in that understanding.
I'm a college dropout and not a grad. But I did end up becoming a stay at home and it's incredible what kind of load that is. I'm sure I still have it easier in some ways because I'm a guy but holy hell the amount of wild things that pop up out of nowhere while maintaining a home. The kind of attention needed for everything. Then the stigma of motherhood and it's wildly idiosyncratic reasons and philosophies that uphold it as a damning honor. Seeing that in my mothers life while she was raising us, seeing it in my daughters life while I'm raising her, and my wifes life while we're at a doctors office or asking questions from staff at school it's all just so infuriating. Then I have my own biases that are hardwired into me. Don't get me started on that.
Super good post again. Really had a flow and rhythm to it that found a noteworthy conclusion.
I applaud you for staying at home with the kids because that is HARD! And the reversal of trad gender roles is a thing to contend with as well. Thank you so much for your sweet comments!
So this is the first essay of yours I’ve read and so happy to have found you.
We live in a stupid stupid era. Was I dreaming it was over? i was raised in one. Thought we’d left in behind. Nope. Glad I’ve raised a fierce daughter raising a fierce daughter.
Me too! We need those fierce girls and women! It's so interesting how, with each step forward, we seem to take one back. It's a bit of a conundrum. And thank you for finding me! Welcome!
We’re out there. You’ll see them (and me and my daughter and nieces and sons a nephews) at voting booths.
I thought the guy was such a doofus, that I didn’t even want to comment. Now, tho’, if I can think of something to say (besides that the little man who is a doofus gets to be vastly overpaid for the _important work_ of kicking a ball while other, bigger, tougher men keep him from being knocked down), I suppose I should put my oar in the water.
that could change…
as in, some of the tougher men may not be male sexist (whatever)…
I don’t mean to differ from the point of your wonderful essay that I 110% felt in my soul, but I thought it a little funny that most of the recommendations were from women named Liz. Are Liz’s just crushing it at a higher rate? 😂
Also, “no one told you to have kids.” How rude and ignorant and way to show that they completely missed the point. So happy you don’t let the haters get you down and you keep writing. 🥰
Funny! Thanks I needed that
Haha thanks Rachel! And isn’t that funny how Liz has become the new Trish? If you’ve seen Barb & Star Go to Del Mar, you’ll understand lol
I am so happy to be a paid subscriber of this newsletter. You, Summer, have a powerful way of speaking your mind. I aspire to that political voice. Anyway, I wanted to say I loved the picture of the bear and that you commented that the bear had been a deer when you went to snap the picture and that all bears must be shapeshifters. This fantasy or reality appeals to me and resonates. Maybe we are all like bears with an unused capacity to shape shift. I feel I am awakening to this possibility in a metaphorical and sometimes real sense. Again, I value your nuanced approach to men and masculinity. I Love the comments here and the people that write them too. It's proof of goodness in all genders. Have a great day.
Awesome Heather! I was going to private message you to say thanks for becoming a paid subscriber but I’ll just tell u here! And u can always DM too. I really appreciate the support! And i also love the idea of shapeshifting, its a big theme in many Native Alaskan myths. I think it can apply to all of us! 💕
I would actively seek out Paddington or Pooh bear. But its still always the bear.
Oh yes, I would love to encounter either one of those in the woods!
most bears on lama mtn new mexico are fairly docile (black bears)… generally because of territorial issues there is only one at a time… we chase them away when one comes too near and we fence off our compost with an electric fence. spring and fall are the times to be wary because the bear(s) are craving anything that will pass as food.
They make a mess of garbage here too. The law is u have to have a bear proof can but they can get into those too! I love black bears tbh 🥰
we love their sacred presence at lama…
oh, and they love fruit trees with ripe fruit… one year we daily put off fruit harvest on a very large peach tree… each day we said oh one more day… we came down one morning and the said tree was bare with no evidence left… 🤣😎😆
Nooooooooo! They will totally climb our apple trees also and steal our fruit!
I’m loving this Summer! Thank you. My partner is a bear, in the best way, with the brain of a much more intelligent animal. Built like a linebacker and constantly scratching his back on door frames and trees 😆 The best protector you could ask for. However I have run into the opposite “bear-men” in my life as a Chef, and woman in general, that have no concern for anyone’s safety but themselves and will maul anyone over to get ahead…or for simply a piece of sushi-grade salmon.
On the Motherhood vibe: If I’m able to make children in my body, not all women can, and I CHOOSE to, it’s no one’s business whether I do or do not. Furthermore, if I don’t want to have children and want to nurture a career and make THAT my child instead. It is also no one’s business whether I choose that path or not. We can become Mothers of many things. In my opinion 💜🍑
Written by a pregnant woman that never wanted children and is currently so in love with her fetus she could burst! 😇
Sending All the love Summer!
Yes and amen and CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR GROWING BABY!!!!! And btw i love bears! Theyre really smart! 🍑 🍑💛🧡❤️🩷💜
I love my bear so much! Also, Thank you!!!🙏🏽 I’m excited to meet her 🤗
wonderful!