Tomorrow my family gathers to memorialize our mother and her sister - dying within weeks of each other this year.
Here’s my take home about Mom (Ann Marie) – and her sister Karen; they both married brave, competent, adventurous men and followed them to Alaska.
Mom and Karen had endured enough hardship and adversity in their youth to develop the kind of resilience and resourcefulness needed to thrive in a remote and rainy land of opportunity.
It was not unlike our mother - most mothers - to make sacrifices and place the needs of others before hers. Mom was restless sitting at a table to dine because she felt the need to leap up to tend to the needs of others. Perhaps an extension of her years as a waitress at Mikes Place in Douglas.
Karen wasn’t much different. The Sisters’ ethos grew from the kind of perspective that comes from a long line of strong women raising families under challenging circumstances.
An ethos that shuns taking more than you give. An ethos that embraces hard work and the faithfulness of family and community.
Speaking for my family, Juneau has been good to the Goods. As a result of growing up in Juneau, all offspring are deeply embedded in this community and its surroundings. We found meaningful work and created families. We each found our way and stayed. That seems rare to me these days – for three siblings - and a cousin to stay in their hometown and be happy about it.
Mom was a great mom in many ways. But I am most grateful for her grit and strong relationship with her sister that resulted in both of our families landing in Juneau. It’s made all the difference in our lives.
What a beautiful testament to your mother and auntie. Their self-sacrifice certainly paid off with your family! And like you said, they had "the hardship and adversity in their youth to develop the kind of resilience and resourcefulness needed to thrive". When the going gets tough, I have to remember that!
Not long after I became a mother I was absolutely shocked by this reality. Over the following years I accepted it, seething and exhausted. I concluded that in families that can afford it, at least one person needs to stay home with the kids. In an apparent minority of cases that person is the husband. And yes, American capitalism is largely to blame. In other western/european democracies maternity leave, paternity leave, child and elder care are a given. Paid for by something many Americans would refuse to accept: high taxes.
Yep, all of this. I don't know how we're realistically expected to do it all and work full time, without a strong support system who can help with childcare, transportation, meal prep, housework, etc. In other countries like in Argentina and S. Africa, most middle class families have full time housekeepers who help with cleaning and cooking and childcare. The housekeepers what do they do? Live with their mothers and aunties who watch their kids while the housekeepers care for middle class families. Despite women's gains in this country, we're so depleted.
I read your post with a knot in my stomach. As I've aged I've become what I think of as a militant feminist and try to read as much as much as I can about it. I think I've always been a feminist at heart thanks to my late great grandmother and strong independent older sister. But its taken longer to really understand that because of all of the things I didn't understand. (That topic, all of the things I didn't understand would take way too many words to get into here). But I started reading what I could about Feminism to better understand and it led me to such interesting and revealing people like Lyz Lenz' and her book This American Ex-Wife and her Substack Men Yell At Me and many others. It has been eye-opening for this old man and I immediately share it all with my never married and no kids 42 year old daughter just to reassure her she's not the only one experiencing the limited to no help at home. It seems it is endemic (maybe epidemic?) among males in this country to feel entitled and deserving of being waited on and not having to help with the daily chores of sharing a home and all that entails with or without children.
All of this I guess just to really say I understand and I sympathize. Stay strong and keep posting.
Timing.
Tomorrow my family gathers to memorialize our mother and her sister - dying within weeks of each other this year.
Here’s my take home about Mom (Ann Marie) – and her sister Karen; they both married brave, competent, adventurous men and followed them to Alaska.
Mom and Karen had endured enough hardship and adversity in their youth to develop the kind of resilience and resourcefulness needed to thrive in a remote and rainy land of opportunity.
It was not unlike our mother - most mothers - to make sacrifices and place the needs of others before hers. Mom was restless sitting at a table to dine because she felt the need to leap up to tend to the needs of others. Perhaps an extension of her years as a waitress at Mikes Place in Douglas.
Karen wasn’t much different. The Sisters’ ethos grew from the kind of perspective that comes from a long line of strong women raising families under challenging circumstances.
An ethos that shuns taking more than you give. An ethos that embraces hard work and the faithfulness of family and community.
Speaking for my family, Juneau has been good to the Goods. As a result of growing up in Juneau, all offspring are deeply embedded in this community and its surroundings. We found meaningful work and created families. We each found our way and stayed. That seems rare to me these days – for three siblings - and a cousin to stay in their hometown and be happy about it.
Mom was a great mom in many ways. But I am most grateful for her grit and strong relationship with her sister that resulted in both of our families landing in Juneau. It’s made all the difference in our lives.
What a beautiful testament to your mother and auntie. Their self-sacrifice certainly paid off with your family! And like you said, they had "the hardship and adversity in their youth to develop the kind of resilience and resourcefulness needed to thrive". When the going gets tough, I have to remember that!
Not long after I became a mother I was absolutely shocked by this reality. Over the following years I accepted it, seething and exhausted. I concluded that in families that can afford it, at least one person needs to stay home with the kids. In an apparent minority of cases that person is the husband. And yes, American capitalism is largely to blame. In other western/european democracies maternity leave, paternity leave, child and elder care are a given. Paid for by something many Americans would refuse to accept: high taxes.
Yep, all of this. I don't know how we're realistically expected to do it all and work full time, without a strong support system who can help with childcare, transportation, meal prep, housework, etc. In other countries like in Argentina and S. Africa, most middle class families have full time housekeepers who help with cleaning and cooking and childcare. The housekeepers what do they do? Live with their mothers and aunties who watch their kids while the housekeepers care for middle class families. Despite women's gains in this country, we're so depleted.
I read your post with a knot in my stomach. As I've aged I've become what I think of as a militant feminist and try to read as much as much as I can about it. I think I've always been a feminist at heart thanks to my late great grandmother and strong independent older sister. But its taken longer to really understand that because of all of the things I didn't understand. (That topic, all of the things I didn't understand would take way too many words to get into here). But I started reading what I could about Feminism to better understand and it led me to such interesting and revealing people like Lyz Lenz' and her book This American Ex-Wife and her Substack Men Yell At Me and many others. It has been eye-opening for this old man and I immediately share it all with my never married and no kids 42 year old daughter just to reassure her she's not the only one experiencing the limited to no help at home. It seems it is endemic (maybe epidemic?) among males in this country to feel entitled and deserving of being waited on and not having to help with the daily chores of sharing a home and all that entails with or without children.
All of this I guess just to really say I understand and I sympathize. Stay strong and keep posting.
Thanks Mike. You get it - this exactly. Thank you for your understanding and sympathy empathy. I appreciate it. 🙏