I too, sadly, am off to cook some mushrooms, for my omelet, alone, in a house suddenly too big with the passing of my spouse, on property I own, which is fenced and isolated. Set intentionally, many years past, from ‘the others’. Perhaps I need to rethink some silo choices?Thank you for the trigger.
Oh Robert. I am so, so sorry to hear about your wife's passing. Please know you are not alone. You are here with us! Maybe it's not the time for logistics, but I'm curious if you've ever looked into the idea of a death doula... Anyway, thank you for tending to her spirit, which is still so close. Maybe she appreciates the smell and sound of those mushrooms, reaching across the ether, in more ways that one. <3
I have not heard of a death doula. But why not. We had an in home caregiver who was wonderful. Sort of the same thing. And thank you for your kindness.
A death doula is different in that they don't deal with the physical aspects, but the social emotional part - in the way a birth doula doesn't help with the birth in the same way a midwife does. It's still a pretty new thing, so probably not easy to find one everywhere. I only just heard of it, but it sounds like a much needed thing in our culture. In the meantime, I'm so glad you're here and sharing with us. We're here for you, Robert!
"At the old school, all school supplies were shared. In Tlingit culture, possessions are not owned but “borrowed” until the person passes, when they are returned to the clan. Land is also not owned by individuals but by the clan as a collective."
This made my heart relax, i know this is what we all really need and yearn for - sharing and acknowledging the truth of how connected we are would make us all feel safe at the deepest level. This also has me thinking about how so much that we share is not material: our nervous systems, how beliefs seep into our hearts and minds, how fear is so contagious...
I am currently working from a coffee shop that recently opened in my small town. I had been yearning for space to just casually be with people while working on my own stuff. I thought it was the energy of the place, just being out of my house that drew me in (I have always loved working in a coffee shop or cafe) but I have started to realize that its the connection, the sharing of space that I love, the common resource - these make me feel safe, so I can just flow right into work.
This entire piece makes me want to go live in the forest among the trees and mushrooms. I live in the least natural environment (Vegas). It's bad for my health and well-being, but here we are for the money. The only time I don't feel completely stressed out is when I drive out of the city and into the mountains. I lived in Sedona for 7 years and I miss it every day.
I wish I could say that there was a community I was a part of, but I'm not. Being isolated here feels safer and how damn sad is that.
Ah girl. Yes, that is sad. Hopefully it's not a forever thing. Money is what we have to do, too. Hopefully you'll find your people or get outta there soon. During remote learning, we went a solid 4 years without friends. I'm still making up for lost time. My daughter still has no friends at school. It's sad, but we're building connections here and there. Sometimes our only connection is each other, or in the woods. But it's getting brighter. Sometimes winter lasts FOREVER. Sending hugs.
Hey. I grew up near there. If it helps at all, don’t be too hard on you. The systems around us reinforce the values that we are working to change. But, having a plan to work towards a new living (or even just vacationing) situation has been my comfort as we are in a city as well.
I grew up here in Vegas so it’s not new to me, it’s a lot now lol middle aged me doesn’t enjoy it quite like young me did! But it’s home so as many times as I’ve left, I always end up back.
My son takes kids through a public HS district program into the wilderness for ten days. These programs are truly transformational.
The schools I worked at had desks pushed into groups of four.
A teacher I had in my Ed program taught that her population of students needed individual desks kept apart. They came from dire circumstances, with dysfunctional families, and didn’t own anything. She herself had grown up in a situation where she slept with multiple siblings in a bed. She felt her students were too reactive to handle project learning and she used direct instruction. She felt they needed the peace of that to build trust with the instructor and to find themselves and get organized-to have a place to originate and move forward to others.
While I strongly believe we need to return to a collective way of being, maybe it’s better not to get fixated on an approach-more colonial /indigenous, rather than be present and open to what’s happening in every given moment. If the student isn’t engaged something needs to be adjusted on the teachers side. A good kindergarten program is reflected through every higher grade as far as mindfulness, active listening and the tenderness, and self esteem of a student body.
Cutting down your time driving is so positive. I’m excited you will have more time for your self and your muses.
thinking about this as my youngest enters kindergarten and my older kiddo transitions to middle school (both from homeschooling!) it's wild and hard: the choices we have. homeschooling felt like such a good alternative to the problems with schooling you mention - except that it's another way to go solo, and it was (for me) massively overwhelming to be charged with even more than the "usual." there's benefits to all of it.... and great challenges, too. how do you decide what to do for your kiddos - and embrace the benefits / challenges along the way (without jumping ship - again)?
We really are in between a dying of an old world, and the birthing of the new. Maybe we can be powerful connectors and interconnectors, like the mycelium ?
OMG DO I STRUGGLE WITH THIS. Every Monday my daughter cries and begs to be homeschooled. Trad school doesn't really work for her. we could go back to Charter school, which is more her style, but because Alaska ed is so underfunded, Charter is also depleted. I always thinking about homeschooling her, but like you said, it puts even more on us, especially moms. Now I have to work two jobs AND design my daughter's curriculum and teach her? Ugh. When you figurei it out, let me know. I wish I had a big house and my sister and her husband and my could all move in. My husband would love that lol. P.S. the Tlingit were matriarchal.
well said, as always Summer. we can learn so much from other Beings if we take time to move away from being so focused on the human concepts of mastery over collaboration. i read Jane Ratcliffe's substack interview with Stephanie Land (she wrote Maid and Class) and it dovetails in with your piece in that it focuses on our society's "beliefs" about poor people and work and deserving and so much more. (recommend)
love the photo of your daughter and all the mushrooms! hope you are taking sweet care.
Yes! yes, yes, it all connects! our culture is so programmed to dominate rather than cooperate. It's in our DNA. I mean, other Indigenous groups did as well, I guess, as does nature in ways. But I don't think it serves us in the long run.
In a heartbeat, I would join your tribe in order to live this ideal. Which makes me wonder why I’m not trying to create this ideal with my own family. The conditioning is so powerful.
So true. I was thinking of all the good things that came into my life because of others: found my house, a new job, my husband... none I would have found if it weren't for others.
I just stumbled across your work today. So much resonates! I have an autistic daughter, too. I am deeply connected to the trees and mushrooms. And I love the metaphor you use about them with the political and cultural climate in our nation. (Agree and find it refreshing that you point out the good/bad on both Republican and Democrat viewpoints.)
It is sad that this seems to be the trajectory in our country for kids in school. I have to say that my 5 kids attend the same private school that is a 5 minute drive from my house, and they do still share school supplies. Most in the lower grades have tables, which they share with 3 other students.
What you are doing to teach your daughter about connecting herself to the natural world is, I believe, a remedy for us all. I try to do this with our kids, too.
Well Elizabeth I am starting to realize we have quite a bit in common! lol also, we gotta stick together. It’s hard momming autistic kids. Although I keep reminding myself that whatever about her is hard for me, it’s 10 x’s harder for her. :-/
Thank you Summer!! I love not only your message but also the poetic way you remind us of our connection to nature. I’ll be thinking about that today as I walk through the woods with my dogs and see all the mushrooms in various states of decay (or maybe “various states of giving back”).
Also I hope maybe some teachers read this and are inspired to have kids share in the classroom. This would make so much more sense and seems easy to do!
Thanks again for sharing your insight and your beautiful writing.
Awww thanks so much Ami!!!! we're so lucky that we can pop into the the wilderness/truth with our doggies without having to drive hours or whatever. And yes, I wish more teachers and admins and schools would embrace these kinds of pedagogies. Montessori is another one... xo
I too, sadly, am off to cook some mushrooms, for my omelet, alone, in a house suddenly too big with the passing of my spouse, on property I own, which is fenced and isolated. Set intentionally, many years past, from ‘the others’. Perhaps I need to rethink some silo choices?Thank you for the trigger.
Oh Robert. I am so, so sorry to hear about your wife's passing. Please know you are not alone. You are here with us! Maybe it's not the time for logistics, but I'm curious if you've ever looked into the idea of a death doula... Anyway, thank you for tending to her spirit, which is still so close. Maybe she appreciates the smell and sound of those mushrooms, reaching across the ether, in more ways that one. <3
I have not heard of a death doula. But why not. We had an in home caregiver who was wonderful. Sort of the same thing. And thank you for your kindness.
A death doula is different in that they don't deal with the physical aspects, but the social emotional part - in the way a birth doula doesn't help with the birth in the same way a midwife does. It's still a pretty new thing, so probably not easy to find one everywhere. I only just heard of it, but it sounds like a much needed thing in our culture. In the meantime, I'm so glad you're here and sharing with us. We're here for you, Robert!
"At the old school, all school supplies were shared. In Tlingit culture, possessions are not owned but “borrowed” until the person passes, when they are returned to the clan. Land is also not owned by individuals but by the clan as a collective."
This made my heart relax, i know this is what we all really need and yearn for - sharing and acknowledging the truth of how connected we are would make us all feel safe at the deepest level. This also has me thinking about how so much that we share is not material: our nervous systems, how beliefs seep into our hearts and minds, how fear is so contagious...
I am currently working from a coffee shop that recently opened in my small town. I had been yearning for space to just casually be with people while working on my own stuff. I thought it was the energy of the place, just being out of my house that drew me in (I have always loved working in a coffee shop or cafe) but I have started to realize that its the connection, the sharing of space that I love, the common resource - these make me feel safe, so I can just flow right into work.
Thank you!
oooh yessss I feel that! glad you're finding connection there <3
This entire piece makes me want to go live in the forest among the trees and mushrooms. I live in the least natural environment (Vegas). It's bad for my health and well-being, but here we are for the money. The only time I don't feel completely stressed out is when I drive out of the city and into the mountains. I lived in Sedona for 7 years and I miss it every day.
I wish I could say that there was a community I was a part of, but I'm not. Being isolated here feels safer and how damn sad is that.
Ah girl. Yes, that is sad. Hopefully it's not a forever thing. Money is what we have to do, too. Hopefully you'll find your people or get outta there soon. During remote learning, we went a solid 4 years without friends. I'm still making up for lost time. My daughter still has no friends at school. It's sad, but we're building connections here and there. Sometimes our only connection is each other, or in the woods. But it's getting brighter. Sometimes winter lasts FOREVER. Sending hugs.
Hey. I grew up near there. If it helps at all, don’t be too hard on you. The systems around us reinforce the values that we are working to change. But, having a plan to work towards a new living (or even just vacationing) situation has been my comfort as we are in a city as well.
"the systems around us reinforce the values that we are working to change." Well said.
I grew up here in Vegas so it’s not new to me, it’s a lot now lol middle aged me doesn’t enjoy it quite like young me did! But it’s home so as many times as I’ve left, I always end up back.
A vacation sounds great, one day :)
Vegas sounds like it would be fun for kids and teens. And yes, home is home. <3
Love your example here of the two schools.
My son takes kids through a public HS district program into the wilderness for ten days. These programs are truly transformational.
The schools I worked at had desks pushed into groups of four.
A teacher I had in my Ed program taught that her population of students needed individual desks kept apart. They came from dire circumstances, with dysfunctional families, and didn’t own anything. She herself had grown up in a situation where she slept with multiple siblings in a bed. She felt her students were too reactive to handle project learning and she used direct instruction. She felt they needed the peace of that to build trust with the instructor and to find themselves and get organized-to have a place to originate and move forward to others.
While I strongly believe we need to return to a collective way of being, maybe it’s better not to get fixated on an approach-more colonial /indigenous, rather than be present and open to what’s happening in every given moment. If the student isn’t engaged something needs to be adjusted on the teachers side. A good kindergarten program is reflected through every higher grade as far as mindfulness, active listening and the tenderness, and self esteem of a student body.
Cutting down your time driving is so positive. I’m excited you will have more time for your self and your muses.
You’re an inspiring mother and writer!
thinking about this as my youngest enters kindergarten and my older kiddo transitions to middle school (both from homeschooling!) it's wild and hard: the choices we have. homeschooling felt like such a good alternative to the problems with schooling you mention - except that it's another way to go solo, and it was (for me) massively overwhelming to be charged with even more than the "usual." there's benefits to all of it.... and great challenges, too. how do you decide what to do for your kiddos - and embrace the benefits / challenges along the way (without jumping ship - again)?
We really are in between a dying of an old world, and the birthing of the new. Maybe we can be powerful connectors and interconnectors, like the mycelium ?
Yes! And yes, at the risk of sounding too woo, I'm excited to see what this new cosmic paradigm brings <3
OMG DO I STRUGGLE WITH THIS. Every Monday my daughter cries and begs to be homeschooled. Trad school doesn't really work for her. we could go back to Charter school, which is more her style, but because Alaska ed is so underfunded, Charter is also depleted. I always thinking about homeschooling her, but like you said, it puts even more on us, especially moms. Now I have to work two jobs AND design my daughter's curriculum and teach her? Ugh. When you figurei it out, let me know. I wish I had a big house and my sister and her husband and my could all move in. My husband would love that lol. P.S. the Tlingit were matriarchal.
Always an interesting post Summer. So glad I subscribed to your Substack, Trish
Thanks so much, Trish! I’m so glad I met YOU!
I like your style. I like how you weave social commentary into story. So many forgo the story part.
Well thank you, Brent! That’s so nice of you to say <3
well said, as always Summer. we can learn so much from other Beings if we take time to move away from being so focused on the human concepts of mastery over collaboration. i read Jane Ratcliffe's substack interview with Stephanie Land (she wrote Maid and Class) and it dovetails in with your piece in that it focuses on our society's "beliefs" about poor people and work and deserving and so much more. (recommend)
love the photo of your daughter and all the mushrooms! hope you are taking sweet care.
Yes! yes, yes, it all connects! our culture is so programmed to dominate rather than cooperate. It's in our DNA. I mean, other Indigenous groups did as well, I guess, as does nature in ways. But I don't think it serves us in the long run.
In a heartbeat, I would join your tribe in order to live this ideal. Which makes me wonder why I’m not trying to create this ideal with my own family. The conditioning is so powerful.
I guess Substack is in a way a tribe <3 <3 <3
And the systems that uphold it are extremely powerful.
Right? It’s like they want us to be asleep……
My dream is to live on a commune, each person has their separate space to sleep, but everything else is communal. We thrive in community.
ME too! I dreamed of that when I was a little kid and I first heard of communes. And now as a mom I dream of it even more! lol
I was gifted fall oysters today from a friend in the community. We help one another, learn from one another, we try to not go at it all alone.
So true. I was thinking of all the good things that came into my life because of others: found my house, a new job, my husband... none I would have found if it weren't for others.
Hi Summer,
I just stumbled across your work today. So much resonates! I have an autistic daughter, too. I am deeply connected to the trees and mushrooms. And I love the metaphor you use about them with the political and cultural climate in our nation. (Agree and find it refreshing that you point out the good/bad on both Republican and Democrat viewpoints.)
It is sad that this seems to be the trajectory in our country for kids in school. I have to say that my 5 kids attend the same private school that is a 5 minute drive from my house, and they do still share school supplies. Most in the lower grades have tables, which they share with 3 other students.
What you are doing to teach your daughter about connecting herself to the natural world is, I believe, a remedy for us all. I try to do this with our kids, too.
I also have a kiddo on the Spectrum 🥰🥰
Well Elizabeth I am starting to realize we have quite a bit in common! lol also, we gotta stick together. It’s hard momming autistic kids. Although I keep reminding myself that whatever about her is hard for me, it’s 10 x’s harder for her. :-/
Nice to connect with you here @Elizabeth Langston .
Thank you Summer!! I love not only your message but also the poetic way you remind us of our connection to nature. I’ll be thinking about that today as I walk through the woods with my dogs and see all the mushrooms in various states of decay (or maybe “various states of giving back”).
Also I hope maybe some teachers read this and are inspired to have kids share in the classroom. This would make so much more sense and seems easy to do!
Thanks again for sharing your insight and your beautiful writing.
Wow the comments section is so awesome. Reminds me why I love Substack so much!
Right?! Me 2 <3
Awww thanks so much Ami!!!! we're so lucky that we can pop into the the wilderness/truth with our doggies without having to drive hours or whatever. And yes, I wish more teachers and admins and schools would embrace these kinds of pedagogies. Montessori is another one... xo
So the right thing, right now! Thanks Summer
Thanks Frank <3
Maria Montessori’s pedagogy concurs.
Also, thank you for the share, Eve!
Yes! I teach at a Montessori school (middle school Spanish) and was thinking about that as well!
Yw!
This is a wonderful essay. Thank you, Summer!💚
Thanks so much, Chris!