Excellent! So right on the mark. Thank you for your speaking out over and over on this subject, Summer. Don’t stop. I believe that even though it looks like a rebirth of toxic masculinity (it is), it is the early stages of the desperate dying patriarchy clinging on with all it’s worth. A new day IS coming.
I love this take. I was listening to a podcast recently (Ezra Klein) where two writers were arguing about whether or not tRump was winning. One was saying that the administration's going so hard, smashing, breaking, making a scene (i.e. Noem's photoshoot in CECOT, etc.) is not a sign of winning, rather than losing, i.e. a desperate attempt to grab power however they can. Which aligns with your argument. Like when a parent yells at their kid or spanks because they've run out of other tools - both responses are signs that a parents has lost control. Like you said, a desperate attempt to cling onto dying patriarchy. I'm going with that. THANK YOU!!!!
Not to coopt your argument, with which I entirely agree, in addition I believe the Patriarchy depends on a core group of men who are also compliant and going along to get along. Encouraging independent thinking and expression
in girls and boys is important Maybe I'm stating the obvious though...
Love your writing and the mind (and heart) at work behind it, Summer! Patriarchy teaches us to self-regulate and self-annihilate in accordance with its philosophies. It’s incredibly insidious and twisted. “No” is a very powerful tool against this. Yet we are also taught to pathologize the defiance that might help save us. Ugh. I so appreciate your clarity on all this!
Right! The dissent is silenced, and girls and women are deemed "hysterical," witches, or bitches. I'm so glad this timeliness falls on the --> side of the #MeToo movement. And like Bill mentioned earlier, the noise and kerfuffle from the right is a desperate grab at a dying patriarchy, a sign that they're losing.
Is that length or circumference? I’ve always wondered. Or is it simply an angry female putdown?
2. People pleasing, dancing backward in heels, being a Zamboni, shape shifting, and for that matter walking on eggshells, which you fail to mention, are not exclusively female traits.
They are learned behaviors. I am perceived by most people as an angry old white man-splaining, member of the oppressive patriarchy. Not by you Summer, you and I share a birthdate and a sort of understanding. We “get” each other.
As I child I learned ALL of those things that oppress women. Only, I grew up to be a man. Still, I struggle to this day, despite a career in a violence prone world, of making a@@holes do things they did not want to do, or believe that I could make them do. I could, and still can.
Yet I totally understand the Tyranny of Nice, I just overcame it, with difficulty to survive. Maybe I’m a girl?
PS, women can be just as ridiculous and bully as well as men. Their armor is often, their ability to hide behind their gender. Men when called out will often resort to the tired old, “Hey, whatsa matter with YOU? I was only joking.”
1. BDE, as it's known in Gen-Z circles (? maybe?), is a Gen-Z term that I appropriated for this moment, which is not supposed to be literal but refers to a "vibe," as the kids like to say.
2. Yes, you are absolutely right. Men can 100% be taught to be people pleasers, just as girls/women can be taught not to be. It's not biological, as you mention. I speak in broad generalizations because that's what culture is. Broad strokes. Of course, there are deviants. Everyone is different. But in general, girls/women are taught to be this way. In many cultures, not just Anglo American. And some boys, too, as it turns out. And yes, women can be bullies as well. Hurt people hurt people. Women can be abusive. All of it.
All of which to say I'm really glad you are finding your way out of conforming to others' expectations and into your own truth! That is the self-actualization part that is considered to be the pinnacle of the heroine's journey (vs. the Hero's Journey), which Sari Botton talks about in her memoir, which I narrate in my own memoir. Here's to that!
Excellent! So right on the mark. Thank you for your speaking out over and over on this subject, Summer. Don’t stop. I believe that even though it looks like a rebirth of toxic masculinity (it is), it is the early stages of the desperate dying patriarchy clinging on with all it’s worth. A new day IS coming.
I love this take. I was listening to a podcast recently (Ezra Klein) where two writers were arguing about whether or not tRump was winning. One was saying that the administration's going so hard, smashing, breaking, making a scene (i.e. Noem's photoshoot in CECOT, etc.) is not a sign of winning, rather than losing, i.e. a desperate attempt to grab power however they can. Which aligns with your argument. Like when a parent yells at their kid or spanks because they've run out of other tools - both responses are signs that a parents has lost control. Like you said, a desperate attempt to cling onto dying patriarchy. I'm going with that. THANK YOU!!!!
Not to coopt your argument, with which I entirely agree, in addition I believe the Patriarchy depends on a core group of men who are also compliant and going along to get along. Encouraging independent thinking and expression
in girls and boys is important Maybe I'm stating the obvious though...
100%!!!! Teaching people to think for themselves. Education education edumacation.
You are stating truth. Not the obvious.
Thank you, Robert!
Love your writing and the mind (and heart) at work behind it, Summer! Patriarchy teaches us to self-regulate and self-annihilate in accordance with its philosophies. It’s incredibly insidious and twisted. “No” is a very powerful tool against this. Yet we are also taught to pathologize the defiance that might help save us. Ugh. I so appreciate your clarity on all this!
Right! The dissent is silenced, and girls and women are deemed "hysterical," witches, or bitches. I'm so glad this timeliness falls on the --> side of the #MeToo movement. And like Bill mentioned earlier, the noise and kerfuffle from the right is a desperate grab at a dying patriarchy, a sign that they're losing.
1. Big D@ck Energy..
Is that length or circumference? I’ve always wondered. Or is it simply an angry female putdown?
2. People pleasing, dancing backward in heels, being a Zamboni, shape shifting, and for that matter walking on eggshells, which you fail to mention, are not exclusively female traits.
They are learned behaviors. I am perceived by most people as an angry old white man-splaining, member of the oppressive patriarchy. Not by you Summer, you and I share a birthdate and a sort of understanding. We “get” each other.
As I child I learned ALL of those things that oppress women. Only, I grew up to be a man. Still, I struggle to this day, despite a career in a violence prone world, of making a@@holes do things they did not want to do, or believe that I could make them do. I could, and still can.
Yet I totally understand the Tyranny of Nice, I just overcame it, with difficulty to survive. Maybe I’m a girl?
PS, women can be just as ridiculous and bully as well as men. Their armor is often, their ability to hide behind their gender. Men when called out will often resort to the tired old, “Hey, whatsa matter with YOU? I was only joking.”
Great thought provoking piece as per usual.
1. BDE, as it's known in Gen-Z circles (? maybe?), is a Gen-Z term that I appropriated for this moment, which is not supposed to be literal but refers to a "vibe," as the kids like to say.
2. Yes, you are absolutely right. Men can 100% be taught to be people pleasers, just as girls/women can be taught not to be. It's not biological, as you mention. I speak in broad generalizations because that's what culture is. Broad strokes. Of course, there are deviants. Everyone is different. But in general, girls/women are taught to be this way. In many cultures, not just Anglo American. And some boys, too, as it turns out. And yes, women can be bullies as well. Hurt people hurt people. Women can be abusive. All of it.
All of which to say I'm really glad you are finding your way out of conforming to others' expectations and into your own truth! That is the self-actualization part that is considered to be the pinnacle of the heroine's journey (vs. the Hero's Journey), which Sari Botton talks about in her memoir, which I narrate in my own memoir. Here's to that!
Thanks as always for your comments <3