I lived this one, "But Daddy I Love Him," and "Cassandra." I'm almost 57, and if I saw my high school Aimee tomorrow I would feel it all over again. She came to a book signing of my first Harlequin, asked if there was "fornication" in it, put it down and left.
She was encouraged in her bullying by our honors English teacher -- someone put a tribute up to that lady recently and I said, "I would salt her grave if I could." (Okay more therapy maybe)
I had a bully in middle school who really made life hell. I remember having my backpack thrown in the trash and him and his friends really looking for a fight with me so they could all thrash me. And this was like right near the administration's offices so I ended up scared in a corner hoping that someone would come save me.
They got tired after emptying all my stuff out all over the hallway and I picked up everything not really knowing what to do. I particularly remember that incident because it was a Friday, and that weekend my bully was killed in a car crash while his mom was taking their family to a hospital for medical treatment for his sister's cancer.
So the news was that my "wonderful" kind bully was taken too early and there were flowers and cards and posters for him and at the time all I could think was "Good" that bastard got what he deserved. I just remember relief that I didn't have to see that face again. And as I grew I felt bad about feeling good.
Just the reaction to feeling to be so small can make us into worse versions of ourselves. I have empathy now for my bully's situation, but even know I remember the whole body flooding with relief that I wasn't going to face that again.
The bully faced the fickle finger of fate. Do tell a good story that remains with you. Is there any justice or do you turn the check, take punishment in another way?
I’m friends with a couple of my “mean girls” from middle school on Facebook — they initiated it, and I accepted mostly out of curiosity. After all, it’s been over 40 years ago — I figure they don’t remember how they tormented me. I was fortunate enough to have good friends who had my back, way back then, and are still my besties to this day. I was very insecure and prone to depression, so those steadfast friends were a godsend, and I am thankful for them every day of my life.
I’m not even a fan of Taylor’s music (truth be told, I just haven’t really listened to it enough to know — it’s not my genre as I’m more of an indie rock fan, anxiously awaiting St Vincent’s new record). But I have a lot of respect for her and her career. In any Kim/Kanye situation, I’m 1000% Team Tay.
Summer! I have two daughters, both grown with girls of their own now. I believe your writing takes a lot of the “silence” out of suffering for a lot of girls, no matter their age. For me…it is eye opening, a gift from you, I accept! Thank you
i have tried to leave mean girls behind but they follow you. 50 year old women can be mean girls. i was in a quilting guild that had a mean girls situation going. it's sad. i wish we as women would be there for each other more.
Patriarchy still has its clutches in us, and women maintain these systems, too. Seeing Women as threat, competition, less than, less credible etc.. when really we all need to be supporting each other! And believing women.
I googled my mean girl assuming she’d been bitten by karma, but no. Gorgeous, living well, doing work with troubled kids, perfect family. Really??? aMiee Indeed!!!
Wow Spot on about Tay's posture! I had never considered that before but she definitely has a little bit of a slump. I guess even if you are the most successful entertainer in the world, its still hard to overcome the internal programming!
The Netflix documentary she produced gives a very clear picture of how hard she works to glean acceptance… very illuminating! I think it’s called Miss America or something. But I always noticed the hunch.
It really illuminated songwriting and how it happens, how she develops songs in the studio — as someone who had no idea what she (or any musician) was doing, I love that it opened up the process. And yes it was psychologically illuminating as well, for sure.
Writing saves me. First poetry, then songwriting. Due to my loner/bullied past, I side with the underdog and the marginalized. I never relax in a crowd as I wait for some crazy shit to break out. Living well is the best revenge, succeeding on our own terms and moving on, but the past lingers like poison in the blood, and while I forgive for the sake of my sanity, forgetting is out of the question. FWIW, KK's behaviour strikes me as her having been infiltrated by Kanye's paranoia, back when he was passing as a musical genius, before his mental illness surfaced full throttle.
I never really grokked Taylor until I was driving my day to school one morning. They were tweeners in middle school. And the song “Fifteen” came on, and they both starting singing quietly to it, almost mouthing the words, lost in their own interior worlds as they listened. I realized then that Taylor has a singular ability to see inside a young woman’s mind (a grown woman’s mind now) and translate that experience perfectly into song. She describes their interior mental landscape flawlessly. Lovely post.
Oh wow I had a similar experience subbing in a middle school art class. The whole class was so segregated by cliques and cool girls and unpopular kids, etc. and suddenly Taylor’s
song wildest dreams came on, and all segregated clicks went away, and everybody started singing and dancing. It was transformative. I started crying!
And how fiercely I relate to your words, sentiment and belief here:
“And how many times have I closed my eyes, seen the stars inside my eyelids, and thought: There is a lesson here. And somehow, I will come out stronger…”
Wishing us all as much healing as we want, can find, can create and will allow 💫💥💫
All of this resonates with me so much and I think you read my Capricious Youth pt 1 piece all about being targeted by my first friends... so yeah, I think our 10 year old selves 💯 see each other. I love T Swift and haven't made it to that song yet, but going to pop it in now!!
Summer. YES. Fierce, vulnerable and beautiful piece. Especially at this exact moment in time. As I grieve further from some tough stuff.
As I work to grow and heal. From some mean and cruel stuff a few years ago as well as 7.5 years ago. From those who have known me the very longest in life in the familial sense.
While it may be down to a simmer and more now in the forms of avoidant, withdrawn, passive-aggressive behaviors with the one who hurt me the most, yesterday my heart still took a heavy punch.
I’ve done my punching back. Now the rest of the raw grief and acceptance are the answer. And then transmogrifying (my new favorite word : ) into helping others—personally and professionally. Using my pain as a fierce instrument for some big-picture creativity and strategery in the healthcare space has been a serious part of my salvation.
Read your piece today coming out of a deep meditation. And you, your words and your work fuel my current transmogrification even further.
Wow, deep work there! I’m honored that I could help charge that. I hate that you were hurt so deeply, but absolutely love how you are alchemizing you’re pain into helping others and thru that finding salvation. 💛💚💙💜❤️
In general, I practice letting go and don't offer free rent to beasts in my head. That's not to say two women who used my male attributes for personal pleasure and financial gain didn't live rent-free in my head five years and three years after they seared my heart like an alien species. And occasionally, they still knock, and I hear a little sound but don't answer. A moat is around my heart; perhaps a siren will lower the drawbridge once more. But giving control of my feelings when another may not even give passing thought to their transgression or emotional violence is tantamount to self-transfiguration. Tortured poet, yes, and 1 self-avowed Tay Tay acolyte
I lived this one, "But Daddy I Love Him," and "Cassandra." I'm almost 57, and if I saw my high school Aimee tomorrow I would feel it all over again. She came to a book signing of my first Harlequin, asked if there was "fornication" in it, put it down and left.
She was encouraged in her bullying by our honors English teacher -- someone put a tribute up to that lady recently and I said, "I would salt her grave if I could." (Okay more therapy maybe)
Wow. Just wow! I can’t believe she actually came to your book signing, and SAID that! And shame on that teacher.
Wow you really got under her skin!
Tracy, I think therapy might have gotten you to a good place ;)
I hope you sell a few million copies, of all your books, "fornication" and all.
I had a bully in middle school who really made life hell. I remember having my backpack thrown in the trash and him and his friends really looking for a fight with me so they could all thrash me. And this was like right near the administration's offices so I ended up scared in a corner hoping that someone would come save me.
They got tired after emptying all my stuff out all over the hallway and I picked up everything not really knowing what to do. I particularly remember that incident because it was a Friday, and that weekend my bully was killed in a car crash while his mom was taking their family to a hospital for medical treatment for his sister's cancer.
So the news was that my "wonderful" kind bully was taken too early and there were flowers and cards and posters for him and at the time all I could think was "Good" that bastard got what he deserved. I just remember relief that I didn't have to see that face again. And as I grew I felt bad about feeling good.
Just the reaction to feeling to be so small can make us into worse versions of ourselves. I have empathy now for my bully's situation, but even know I remember the whole body flooding with relief that I wasn't going to face that again.
The bully faced the fickle finger of fate. Do tell a good story that remains with you. Is there any justice or do you turn the check, take punishment in another way?
Wow! Crazy story. Thanks for sharing.
I’m friends with a couple of my “mean girls” from middle school on Facebook — they initiated it, and I accepted mostly out of curiosity. After all, it’s been over 40 years ago — I figure they don’t remember how they tormented me. I was fortunate enough to have good friends who had my back, way back then, and are still my besties to this day. I was very insecure and prone to depression, so those steadfast friends were a godsend, and I am thankful for them every day of my life.
I’m not even a fan of Taylor’s music (truth be told, I just haven’t really listened to it enough to know — it’s not my genre as I’m more of an indie rock fan, anxiously awaiting St Vincent’s new record). But I have a lot of respect for her and her career. In any Kim/Kanye situation, I’m 1000% Team Tay.
I don’t listen to her music either. Not enough bass. But I love her for other people!
Summer! I have two daughters, both grown with girls of their own now. I believe your writing takes a lot of the “silence” out of suffering for a lot of girls, no matter their age. For me…it is eye opening, a gift from you, I accept! Thank you
Thank you Gerry. I’m glad it’s resonating with you. And I hope it does with your daughters and granddaughters. 💕
i have tried to leave mean girls behind but they follow you. 50 year old women can be mean girls. i was in a quilting guild that had a mean girls situation going. it's sad. i wish we as women would be there for each other more.
Patriarchy still has its clutches in us, and women maintain these systems, too. Seeing Women as threat, competition, less than, less credible etc.. when really we all need to be supporting each other! And believing women.
exactly!
💯
True
I googled my mean girl assuming she’d been bitten by karma, but no. Gorgeous, living well, doing work with troubled kids, perfect family. Really??? aMiee Indeed!!!
Feels kinda not fair amirite? But i guess now shes making the world a better place… but still. I’ve be spitting nails too.
Wow Spot on about Tay's posture! I had never considered that before but she definitely has a little bit of a slump. I guess even if you are the most successful entertainer in the world, its still hard to overcome the internal programming!
Right?! So true 😢
The Netflix documentary she produced gives a very clear picture of how hard she works to glean acceptance… very illuminating! I think it’s called Miss America or something. But I always noticed the hunch.
I heard that is such a good documentary. I want to watch that. From long time now!
It really illuminated songwriting and how it happens, how she develops songs in the studio — as someone who had no idea what she (or any musician) was doing, I love that it opened up the process. And yes it was psychologically illuminating as well, for sure.
Writing saves me. First poetry, then songwriting. Due to my loner/bullied past, I side with the underdog and the marginalized. I never relax in a crowd as I wait for some crazy shit to break out. Living well is the best revenge, succeeding on our own terms and moving on, but the past lingers like poison in the blood, and while I forgive for the sake of my sanity, forgetting is out of the question. FWIW, KK's behaviour strikes me as her having been infiltrated by Kanye's paranoia, back when he was passing as a musical genius, before his mental illness surfaced full throttle.
I relate and agree with everything you say!
I never really grokked Taylor until I was driving my day to school one morning. They were tweeners in middle school. And the song “Fifteen” came on, and they both starting singing quietly to it, almost mouthing the words, lost in their own interior worlds as they listened. I realized then that Taylor has a singular ability to see inside a young woman’s mind (a grown woman’s mind now) and translate that experience perfectly into song. She describes their interior mental landscape flawlessly. Lovely post.
Oh wow I had a similar experience subbing in a middle school art class. The whole class was so segregated by cliques and cool girls and unpopular kids, etc. and suddenly Taylor’s
song wildest dreams came on, and all segregated clicks went away, and everybody started singing and dancing. It was transformative. I started crying!
And how fiercely I relate to your words, sentiment and belief here:
“And how many times have I closed my eyes, seen the stars inside my eyelids, and thought: There is a lesson here. And somehow, I will come out stronger…”
Wishing us all as much healing as we want, can find, can create and will allow 💫💥💫
Thank you , Lesli ❤️ 🙏
“And now excuse me while I take a forest bath from typing those two K names in succession”, you made me snort my morning coffee! 🤣
Haha! Sorry not sorry!
Oh god, me too! I snorted Earl Gray spray right onto the cat. Such a great sense of humor, Summer!
lol! and thank you :)
This is way out of my wheelhouse, so I won't embarrass myself with a comment. Except: the writing is still stellar.
Haha thank you , John!
I admire your vulnerability and candor in telling your story … which turns out to be the story of a lot of people. Write on!
Thank you!!!!!
All of this resonates with me so much and I think you read my Capricious Youth pt 1 piece all about being targeted by my first friends... so yeah, I think our 10 year old selves 💯 see each other. I love T Swift and haven't made it to that song yet, but going to pop it in now!!
From now me and then me- I see you, Summer ♥️♥️♥️
❤️ 💗 👁️ i see youuuuuu
Summer. YES. Fierce, vulnerable and beautiful piece. Especially at this exact moment in time. As I grieve further from some tough stuff.
As I work to grow and heal. From some mean and cruel stuff a few years ago as well as 7.5 years ago. From those who have known me the very longest in life in the familial sense.
While it may be down to a simmer and more now in the forms of avoidant, withdrawn, passive-aggressive behaviors with the one who hurt me the most, yesterday my heart still took a heavy punch.
I’ve done my punching back. Now the rest of the raw grief and acceptance are the answer. And then transmogrifying (my new favorite word : ) into helping others—personally and professionally. Using my pain as a fierce instrument for some big-picture creativity and strategery in the healthcare space has been a serious part of my salvation.
Read your piece today coming out of a deep meditation. And you, your words and your work fuel my current transmogrification even further.
I am so thankful 🦋❤️🔥🦋
Wow, deep work there! I’m honored that I could help charge that. I hate that you were hurt so deeply, but absolutely love how you are alchemizing you’re pain into helping others and thru that finding salvation. 💛💚💙💜❤️
In general, I practice letting go and don't offer free rent to beasts in my head. That's not to say two women who used my male attributes for personal pleasure and financial gain didn't live rent-free in my head five years and three years after they seared my heart like an alien species. And occasionally, they still knock, and I hear a little sound but don't answer. A moat is around my heart; perhaps a siren will lower the drawbridge once more. But giving control of my feelings when another may not even give passing thought to their transgression or emotional violence is tantamount to self-transfiguration. Tortured poet, yes, and 1 self-avowed Tay Tay acolyte
Word. I need to do that more!