These are the lines I am thinking along too, Summer, and you articulate it so beautifully. Neurodivergent people are especially gifted, and a gift to society, yet the warped view of capitalism sees neurodivergence as a burden. Myself, my four kids, we all fall under this category and none of us knew for the longest time, and all suffered as a result. Now I see the gifts and that the suffering must be relieved for them to bloom. We are here, in large numbers, for this time of humanity’s crisis.
Thank you, Ros. I'm honored that you read this! And I feel for you and your kids. I also didn't fit any boxes in this culture, which is why I left it for so long, living in Latin America. But like you said, we're here and needed for this unprecedented times. Minds like ours and your children and my daughter's will be needed to solve these immense problems facing humanity now.
The company I work for is helping produce a documentary created entirely by those who identify as autistic called The Divergent Gift - including many artists and animators. Sharing the info here in case anyone is interested in attending a sneak peak this Friday - tickets are free to attend virtually! TheDivergentGift.com 🌈
Children - and adults - who have the gift of open spirit like your beautiful daughter - never fail to bring me joy wherever I find them - two of whom are my grand-niece and nephew who grow and blooming in the open love, welcoming arms of their parents and all of us.. seen as nothing but precious - but more important- as the lights sparking in the grey conformity of the ‘majority’ - the extolled as extraordinary when they are anything but - and the attempt to subdue all but those who have been conditioned to conform.
They will redeem us I think - as all the so-called eccentrics and rebels do..🙏
Well done, Summer - honoring the complexity and truth here. Your daughter’s creative sensitive world view lights me up with delight! And recognition. (I learnt my neurospicy recently, reviewing a graphic novel on the scientists who pioneered autism research). Your son’s fear is real. It takes courage to exist and thrive in late stage capitalism - not to mention fascism. If only we had parents like you, Summer!
PS The telepathy tapes podcast gives me hope that spectrum sensitives can bypass oppressive norms, and mastermind our collective uplift
I sure hope so. Maybe that's why so many of us live in our heads and other worlds, to bypass such norms. I love that you learned that about yourself! I learned that about myself in my 40s, too. Better late than never I guess!
Truth! Like Hannah Gadsby said in her comedy special, a neurodiverse 'diagnosis' is like a big ole shame eraser... we're not broken and we're not alone.
After undergoing a battery of written and verbal exams with a licensed therapist, to see whether I qualified for an autism diagnosis, the day came when we'd review results and get the therapist's take. I was sitting in the waiting room rocking back and forth in the chair, sweating.
I was 49.
"What if I'm just an asshole?" I asked my wife.
I had come to that point after reading one of Tony Attwood's books about Asperger's Syndrome in 2008. (This was before Asperger's affinity for Nazism became widely known.) I had gotten the book to try to understand my oldest son, who was then 17 and who had received a number of labels throughout his life - "active alert" and "spirited" being the ones from the books, "discipline problem," "difficult," and "unmanageable" being more common from teachers in school and at church. As I read Attwood, thinking of my son as an "Aspie" made more and more sense, but I also found myself thinking, "This is *me*." It took me five years, and some close scrapes at work, before I finally sought a diagnosis. In part because I was afraid of the answer - either answer; in part because in my late 40s, I had learned to mask reasonably well, and people my age grew up with a certain idea of what "autistic" meant and I wasn't that.
But I am.
I might also be an asshole, sometimes. I'm comfortable with that, I suppose. But I now have an explanation and a ton of information on how my mind works, why I think the way I do, how to help people cope with me (and me with them), and I'm not hesitant to advocate for myself. Not coincidentally, my career has improved since my diagnosis.
I'll be 60 this Saturday. Better late to figure oneself out than never. And I am grateful for a world in which our awareness has increased to the point where we can see, understand, diagnose, and welcome people like your daughter, my son (now 34), and my grandsons, for the wonderful things they are capable of.
Amazing, Steve. And that you have a better word than asshole for yourself now! And RFK who says "autism is growing" or whatever, as if he doesn't understand that more autistic people are just recognizing themselves now. Like you say, better late than never. I also felt so relieved when I found out my daughter wasn't actually an asshole, just couldn't cope with the overstimulation of school and people after 2 years of pandemic isolation. In reality, the diagnosis is an act of self-acceptance, and self-love! So great that you figured that out!
Thank you, Summer, for teaching and writing. Your gifts bear abundant fruit.
Students on the spectrum were among the greatest gifts to my classroom when I was a public school teacher.
As a public school teacher, I felt compelled to meet every student where they were and to seek ways to value and nurture their unique gifts. (My best teachers knew to do this before autism was a word.)
But institutional rigidity and the misguided efforts to standardize and measure knowledge and behavior doesn’t make much room for those outside the norm. Sad .
Fortunately, autistic students found their way to my classroom to shower the rest of us with their keen insights and irreverent energy. Every classroom needs shamans.
Amazing, Clay! Having a daughter on the spectrum has definitely opened my eyes and ears and heart to my autistic students. Now they want to tell me all about their inner worlds and show me their art, etc. When they find someone who will hold space for who they are, they blossom. It's just allowing that space and time, which is so hard in a regular public school setting with more than 30 kids a class. I can do that because I teach at Montessori, with 13 kids a class!
Your daughter sounds amazing and wonderful, and what you describe reminds me of my daughter, now adult, but still unique and beautiful in the way she sees and responds to the world. Super intelligent, but not academic, I, too, pulled her out of school when school got too much, and we did it our way at home. Later, she went to college to complete her Year 12 as a mature student, and today she teaches herself anything she wants to know, has a casual job doing work she loves, and thinks deeply about our world. Society does its utmost to exclude the different and then complains they don't fit the box that they [members of that society] have locked themselves inside.
Summer, you articulate the gifts, beauty and uniqueness of your child so well.
You have been charged with a gifted child that needs time to operate on her inherit schedule, rather than the other way around.
I do not have a child on the Spectrum, but I have worked in a setting with children with disabilities for years.
We had one little guy that your daughter reminds me of him. My oldest daughter was between her junior and senior year of high school and got a summer job at my work site.
This child was assigned a 1 on 1, but high school summer help were never used as 1 on 1s. But this little guy did not understand or care and he chose my daughter.
They worked together so beautifully, because she let him lead the way at the same time she drew him into activities the class was doing.
From that time on 9 years while she finished high school, undergrad and grad school, she worked all her vacation time at the preschool. Every year she was assigned the most difficult children that were not connecting to their 1 on 1s and each year the child would blossom with my daughter.
My middle daughter had Down syndrome and so my boss thought it might be because my older daughter was just real comfortable with neurodivergent children. Maybe... I think it is more a mindset.
"I see you as you are, and you have value; lets play together, show me how."
I was recently diagnosed late in life as AuDHD and it is very helpful for me during this difficult time in my life to read something like this. I wish I could express more than that, but can't find the words right now. ThankYou and please tell your child I say ThankYou ❤
My son is on the spectrum and boy can I relate to so much of today's post. I feel fortunate that my son's troubles in school were mostly limited to behavior stuff, but that he could be coaxed into a reason why "this topic could be interesting" enough to engage with most of his school subjects.
I had to leave work and go pick up my son as a freshman when he earned a week suspension for pushing a kid who spent a good 20 minutes of class loudly disrespecting and sexually harassing the music teacher. I'm pretty emotionally and socially intelligent, but even I would have had trouble navigating such a scenario, especially with my deep sense of justice and distaste for bullies.
We had the conversation...
Yes, sexually harassing a teacher is really bad.
Yes, whenever you've been in any way disruptive in class you've been sent to the office.
Yes, standing up to bullies is the right thing to do.
But, No... you can't push kids while they are leaving class even if they are a total fuckwit who made everyone else in class deeply uncomfortable, and the teacher failed to properly address it.
Needless to say I didn't think a "punishment" was really warranted on my end, & in fact I told my son I was proud that he had the courage to stand up to a bully, but that next time he should try using words over actions, or talking to the teacher directly about her failure to shut it down... and that I was disappointed in his teacher for not standing up for herself. It shouldn't have been his role to solve it in the first place.
He went on to post the highest End of Course test score in Physics in his entire school district.
That's the dichotomy. You can be a "bad student" while also being the smartest kid in the room depending on the subject. And we do far too much to lock down the "bad aspects" without recognizing, enabling, & celebrating the ways these kids can be exceptional and special when given the space and accommodations to thrive.
Fascinating story. So many angles. I can see why he was reprimanded, but also, YES TOTALLY can see why he'd take things into his own hands when that mean kid got away with horrible behavior! And they say that ND folks like me and my daughter and your son have higher justice sensitivity, so injustices hurt us more acutely than they do others. Good on you, too, Mom, for navigating this complex situation so well!
I was leaving a complicated comment about pink sunsets, middle school boys trying to fit in, wild little girls who can draw dogs, great moms, and how amazing she must be to have as a child. But it disappeared. Magickal? Maybe it will show up too, incomplete, but this was the gist of it.
These are the lines I am thinking along too, Summer, and you articulate it so beautifully. Neurodivergent people are especially gifted, and a gift to society, yet the warped view of capitalism sees neurodivergence as a burden. Myself, my four kids, we all fall under this category and none of us knew for the longest time, and all suffered as a result. Now I see the gifts and that the suffering must be relieved for them to bloom. We are here, in large numbers, for this time of humanity’s crisis.
Thank you, Ros. I'm honored that you read this! And I feel for you and your kids. I also didn't fit any boxes in this culture, which is why I left it for so long, living in Latin America. But like you said, we're here and needed for this unprecedented times. Minds like ours and your children and my daughter's will be needed to solve these immense problems facing humanity now.
Yes yes yes 🙌🏽 Ros. We are needed now
YES to this
The company I work for is helping produce a documentary created entirely by those who identify as autistic called The Divergent Gift - including many artists and animators. Sharing the info here in case anyone is interested in attending a sneak peak this Friday - tickets are free to attend virtually! TheDivergentGift.com 🌈
Here’s the event! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/hybrid-sneak-peek-fundraiser-for-the-divergent-gift-unboxing-autism-registration-1302301140769?utm_experiment=test_share_listing&aff=ebdsshios
Oh nvm I see that there is a showing next week as well!
Omg this sounds wonderful! Dang I missed it! Is there a way to watch a replay?
Thanks Ruth! So cool. I didn’t see a link to see the preview?
Hi! Let me know if this link to the Eventbrite doesn’t work: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/hybrid-sneak-peek-fundraiser-for-the-divergent-gift-unboxing-autism-registration-1302301140769?utm_experiment=test_share_listing&aff=ebdsshios
Works! Thank you 🙏🏽
Children - and adults - who have the gift of open spirit like your beautiful daughter - never fail to bring me joy wherever I find them - two of whom are my grand-niece and nephew who grow and blooming in the open love, welcoming arms of their parents and all of us.. seen as nothing but precious - but more important- as the lights sparking in the grey conformity of the ‘majority’ - the extolled as extraordinary when they are anything but - and the attempt to subdue all but those who have been conditioned to conform.
They will redeem us I think - as all the so-called eccentrics and rebels do..🙏
I love this comment. Yes. And thank you!
Another amazing piece, Summer!
Thank you so much, Ashleigh!
Well done, Summer - honoring the complexity and truth here. Your daughter’s creative sensitive world view lights me up with delight! And recognition. (I learnt my neurospicy recently, reviewing a graphic novel on the scientists who pioneered autism research). Your son’s fear is real. It takes courage to exist and thrive in late stage capitalism - not to mention fascism. If only we had parents like you, Summer!
PS The telepathy tapes podcast gives me hope that spectrum sensitives can bypass oppressive norms, and mastermind our collective uplift
I sure hope so. Maybe that's why so many of us live in our heads and other worlds, to bypass such norms. I love that you learned that about yourself! I learned that about myself in my 40s, too. Better late than never I guess!
Truth! Like Hannah Gadsby said in her comedy special, a neurodiverse 'diagnosis' is like a big ole shame eraser... we're not broken and we're not alone.
ooh YES
Such a beautiful and important piece Summer. I'm saving this. What joy to behold your gifted child dancing.
Thanks so much, Robin!
After undergoing a battery of written and verbal exams with a licensed therapist, to see whether I qualified for an autism diagnosis, the day came when we'd review results and get the therapist's take. I was sitting in the waiting room rocking back and forth in the chair, sweating.
I was 49.
"What if I'm just an asshole?" I asked my wife.
I had come to that point after reading one of Tony Attwood's books about Asperger's Syndrome in 2008. (This was before Asperger's affinity for Nazism became widely known.) I had gotten the book to try to understand my oldest son, who was then 17 and who had received a number of labels throughout his life - "active alert" and "spirited" being the ones from the books, "discipline problem," "difficult," and "unmanageable" being more common from teachers in school and at church. As I read Attwood, thinking of my son as an "Aspie" made more and more sense, but I also found myself thinking, "This is *me*." It took me five years, and some close scrapes at work, before I finally sought a diagnosis. In part because I was afraid of the answer - either answer; in part because in my late 40s, I had learned to mask reasonably well, and people my age grew up with a certain idea of what "autistic" meant and I wasn't that.
But I am.
I might also be an asshole, sometimes. I'm comfortable with that, I suppose. But I now have an explanation and a ton of information on how my mind works, why I think the way I do, how to help people cope with me (and me with them), and I'm not hesitant to advocate for myself. Not coincidentally, my career has improved since my diagnosis.
I'll be 60 this Saturday. Better late to figure oneself out than never. And I am grateful for a world in which our awareness has increased to the point where we can see, understand, diagnose, and welcome people like your daughter, my son (now 34), and my grandsons, for the wonderful things they are capable of.
And Bobby Kennedy can burn in hell, of course. ;)
Amazing, Steve. And that you have a better word than asshole for yourself now! And RFK who says "autism is growing" or whatever, as if he doesn't understand that more autistic people are just recognizing themselves now. Like you say, better late than never. I also felt so relieved when I found out my daughter wasn't actually an asshole, just couldn't cope with the overstimulation of school and people after 2 years of pandemic isolation. In reality, the diagnosis is an act of self-acceptance, and self-love! So great that you figured that out!
Thank you, Summer, for teaching and writing. Your gifts bear abundant fruit.
Students on the spectrum were among the greatest gifts to my classroom when I was a public school teacher.
As a public school teacher, I felt compelled to meet every student where they were and to seek ways to value and nurture their unique gifts. (My best teachers knew to do this before autism was a word.)
But institutional rigidity and the misguided efforts to standardize and measure knowledge and behavior doesn’t make much room for those outside the norm. Sad .
Fortunately, autistic students found their way to my classroom to shower the rest of us with their keen insights and irreverent energy. Every classroom needs shamans.
Amazing, Clay! Having a daughter on the spectrum has definitely opened my eyes and ears and heart to my autistic students. Now they want to tell me all about their inner worlds and show me their art, etc. When they find someone who will hold space for who they are, they blossom. It's just allowing that space and time, which is so hard in a regular public school setting with more than 30 kids a class. I can do that because I teach at Montessori, with 13 kids a class!
I love the way you write about your daughter and I've loved all the stories you tell that include her. She's a marvel for sure.
Aww thank you, Camille!
I lived my life in pain for years because this is how I connected with other people's pain, too.
"My sister feels physical bodily pain when she sees others being hurt, and I believe my daughter does, too."
It's so hard, right? Creating that boundary between ourselves and others. I see you, empath! <3 So good to find you here on Substack, trE!
DEF an Empath and hypersensitive, too. It's great to read your words again, Summer. Truly, it is! 🙏🏾🩵
Your daughter sounds amazing and wonderful, and what you describe reminds me of my daughter, now adult, but still unique and beautiful in the way she sees and responds to the world. Super intelligent, but not academic, I, too, pulled her out of school when school got too much, and we did it our way at home. Later, she went to college to complete her Year 12 as a mature student, and today she teaches herself anything she wants to know, has a casual job doing work she loves, and thinks deeply about our world. Society does its utmost to exclude the different and then complains they don't fit the box that they [members of that society] have locked themselves inside.
Exactly. Your daughter gives me hope. Thank you for telling me about her!
Summer, you articulate the gifts, beauty and uniqueness of your child so well.
You have been charged with a gifted child that needs time to operate on her inherit schedule, rather than the other way around.
I do not have a child on the Spectrum, but I have worked in a setting with children with disabilities for years.
We had one little guy that your daughter reminds me of him. My oldest daughter was between her junior and senior year of high school and got a summer job at my work site.
This child was assigned a 1 on 1, but high school summer help were never used as 1 on 1s. But this little guy did not understand or care and he chose my daughter.
They worked together so beautifully, because she let him lead the way at the same time she drew him into activities the class was doing.
From that time on 9 years while she finished high school, undergrad and grad school, she worked all her vacation time at the preschool. Every year she was assigned the most difficult children that were not connecting to their 1 on 1s and each year the child would blossom with my daughter.
My middle daughter had Down syndrome and so my boss thought it might be because my older daughter was just real comfortable with neurodivergent children. Maybe... I think it is more a mindset.
"I see you as you are, and you have value; lets play together, show me how."
Your daughter sounds so wonderful. What a gift. <3 <3 <3 thank you for telling me!
I was recently diagnosed late in life as AuDHD and it is very helpful for me during this difficult time in my life to read something like this. I wish I could express more than that, but can't find the words right now. ThankYou and please tell your child I say ThankYou ❤
Thank you , Andy. This means so much to me <3
My son is on the spectrum and boy can I relate to so much of today's post. I feel fortunate that my son's troubles in school were mostly limited to behavior stuff, but that he could be coaxed into a reason why "this topic could be interesting" enough to engage with most of his school subjects.
I had to leave work and go pick up my son as a freshman when he earned a week suspension for pushing a kid who spent a good 20 minutes of class loudly disrespecting and sexually harassing the music teacher. I'm pretty emotionally and socially intelligent, but even I would have had trouble navigating such a scenario, especially with my deep sense of justice and distaste for bullies.
We had the conversation...
Yes, sexually harassing a teacher is really bad.
Yes, whenever you've been in any way disruptive in class you've been sent to the office.
Yes, standing up to bullies is the right thing to do.
But, No... you can't push kids while they are leaving class even if they are a total fuckwit who made everyone else in class deeply uncomfortable, and the teacher failed to properly address it.
Needless to say I didn't think a "punishment" was really warranted on my end, & in fact I told my son I was proud that he had the courage to stand up to a bully, but that next time he should try using words over actions, or talking to the teacher directly about her failure to shut it down... and that I was disappointed in his teacher for not standing up for herself. It shouldn't have been his role to solve it in the first place.
He went on to post the highest End of Course test score in Physics in his entire school district.
That's the dichotomy. You can be a "bad student" while also being the smartest kid in the room depending on the subject. And we do far too much to lock down the "bad aspects" without recognizing, enabling, & celebrating the ways these kids can be exceptional and special when given the space and accommodations to thrive.
Fascinating story. So many angles. I can see why he was reprimanded, but also, YES TOTALLY can see why he'd take things into his own hands when that mean kid got away with horrible behavior! And they say that ND folks like me and my daughter and your son have higher justice sensitivity, so injustices hurt us more acutely than they do others. Good on you, too, Mom, for navigating this complex situation so well!
I was leaving a complicated comment about pink sunsets, middle school boys trying to fit in, wild little girls who can draw dogs, great moms, and how amazing she must be to have as a child. But it disappeared. Magickal? Maybe it will show up too, incomplete, but this was the gist of it.
Thank you so much, Robert!
Thank you for teaching me so beautifully. Indigo is a glorious color, it even lives in the rainbow. 🌈❤
Thank you, Nancy!